I got this at Tomato Tattoo in Lisle, IL by Jason (have no idea if he's still there or what his last name is honestly).
The content is from A Wilhelm Scream's 2005 album Ruiner.
First lets get the (slightly) embarrassing part of this tattoo out of the way right now. While this tattoo is directly derived from said album cover I got it at the same time as my girlfriend from the same era got a smaller female version of it going the opposite direction.
Allow me give the full back story before judging me on this fact.
First I got into this band and this album in 2006 or 2007 sometime. I can't recall specifics but I can tell you that it REALLY hit home for me in 2007.
It was one of those years. One of those REALLY REALLY hard years.
And it was truly all my fault despite whatever things that piled on that were out of my control.
Regardless I found refuge in Ruiner.
It was one of those records that just fell into my lap at just the right time. It was one of those things that just showed me I was not alone in my feelings, and when things are tough thats really all you need sometimes to make it through.
To avoid beating this into the ground this album really became a part of the soundtrack of my life and really helped me emotionally survive an era that might have otherwise left me as one of those eternally cynical shit heads that I so loathe.
During this emotionally weak era I met and fell in love with the before referenced girlfriend (Brooke).
While it would be easy for me to retroactively speak negatively on her, at the time she was exactly the right person I needed at exactly the right time. Everything clicked in just the right ways.
I was hesitant to rush into saying so at the time but the reality is she turned out to be the second person I ever loved. Looking back now I find it strange that I could love that person however at the time it was exactly right.
Her story at the time while very different felt very relatable in its core.
Just another lost soul struggling alone trying to deal with the problems and backlash to which she ultimately could only blame herself as the cause despite all the additional piling on.
Anyway I shared with her the album that helped save me and it clicked with her just like it did for me. This band that I so loved quickly became a shared love which included multiple shows and times where we not only met but partied with the band.
I think it was in this shared struggle we truly related and initially connected on. Beyond that I'll refrain from commenting on our relationship as I have trouble seeing the later parts of it from any eyes other than my current pair.
Anyway this relationship continued rather happily for two years. During that time I had thrown out the idea of getting the Ruiner cover tattooed on myself and that idea evolved eventually into what we got together. Two individuals running towards one another, from the problems that had themselves caused through a single act of emotion. (the comic included in the record includes the protagonist putting a brick through a birds nest, which is why they are chasing/attacking him as he flees)
The real connector lyrics from the record for the pair of us being from the song "The Kids Can Eat a Bag of Dicks."
The sudden sight of mirrors brought the hero's demise.
Hey operator, stop acting civilized.
I want to be you.
And the ones to resurrect sex and death bought the copyright.
They ate shit on the record.
Did you get the mix right?
Not quite.
I want to be you.
With a graceful fall did you waste it all?
I found a way for the rest of you.
I missed me too.
Tell me that I'm not so weak.
Tell me that I'm not alone.
Fuck me if it pours, you're not built for this.
But it's not raining is it?
I want to be you.
And we've got the rest of our lives to be our fathers.
What a dream to wet the eyes!
I want to be you.
With a graceful fall did you waste it all?
I found a way for the rest of you.
I missed me too.
Tell me that I'm not so weak.
Tell me that I'm not alone.
Do I hear you crawling on your back?
Do I hear you folding up to fear?
Brave you, I missed me too.
We are all we have.
The bolded being the parts we(I) hung onto.
Anyway thats all the WHY going into it.
So we decided for our 2 year anniversary we wanted to commemorate our meeting and connection by getting this together.
Now some(most) folks may find this foolish, and I wouldn't disagree with them.
However you have to keep in mind I'm not foolish and am pragmatic to a fault at times, this was no exception.
This is why I didn't want to get the additional text she suggested (splitting some of the lyrics above among the two of us) and I wanted something that would mean something to me forever regardless of our relationship. I did however keep the idea open for the future if this relationship had continued on its current course.
As of now years later to me this tattoo stands as a reminder of three different eras really.
My time alone as that individual struggling, dealing, and finding peace in that record.
The time I had as someone with a person to take cover with and bear the weight of our individual problems and battle our shared problems with.
And now and forever the person who continued on after unfaltered by the previous failings.
I knew what was getting myself into when I got this piece originally which is why I chose something that'd mean something to me forever, even if its just a time marker.
I still love the tattoo and regret nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment